Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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