everyone is single if you try hard enough
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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