I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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