loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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