I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
