I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I stole a fireplace last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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