I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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