My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
