imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
