he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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