i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
