If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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