Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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