I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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