i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
