halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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