NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize