Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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