my shit smells like andre
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
