is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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