I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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