People in love make me want to vomit
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's get the cat blown out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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