My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
