I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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