I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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