I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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