Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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