Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
