Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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