Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
