I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
