garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this is an emotional support booty call
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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