new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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