woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
