I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she told me i tasted like america
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All the doctor said was why
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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