I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
