The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
