You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Four minutes until I can fart!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
