Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
