anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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