Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
