You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
