I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize