A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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