I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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