Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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