i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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