i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Drunk is not a location!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
