I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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