How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
