chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
