sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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