If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
