she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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