I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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