You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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