i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
