I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
