I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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