i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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