Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
