im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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