Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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