he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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