I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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