check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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