Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
