I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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