please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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