I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
